Capitulation

I had another emergency this morning - a number of blood-clots blocking the airways so that I could hardly breathe. It took two doctors and an hour of torture before I could breathe again.

There then followed another of those discussions about "Where do we go from here?" There are only two possibilities: One of them is to continue as I am now for many weeks or months in the hope that things normalise on their own. In fact, no-one believes that that can happen. The alternative has been discussed before and I always preferred it, but the doctors didn't want it - removal of the larynx. Now they're saying that it's the only way I can expect any quality of life for however long I've got left.

They are sending me a volunteer advisor next week - a man who had his larynx removed a long time ago and today lives a normal life. He will drop by to demonstrate what it's like. Fine, but I have already made my decision and told the surgeon - the larynx will be removed in an operation either on Monday 24th or Tuesday 25th January. I should then be able to eat and drink almost immediately and speech can be tackled afterwards.

In a way, it's the doctors finally admitting that their strategy didn't work. For me, it's a genuine relief to know that the only logical solution is now underway. It will put an end to the dreaded cannula that have caused me so much grief, and although tube feeding will probably continue for a while, I should very quickly be able to eat and drink almost normally so that the tube into the stomach can be removed as well.