I was somewhat ashamed of myself back in March when I had gone a full month without posting anything on here. Now it's two months to be ashamed about....!! I apologize to anyone who hasn't already forgotten me.
Since I came home from hospital on 11th February, I have felt as though I'm in limbo, as though the whole situation is somehow unreal. Prior to September 2010, there were hopes that the tumour in my throat could be cured. Those hopes were all gone by the time I was sent home in February, minus the ability to eat, drink or speak and having lost 15 kilos in weight. The cancer was still there, and of course still is. For a while, it seemed that I was heading quickly for the grave; those closest to me were preparing themselves for my early funeral.
In fact, despite having practically no quality of life, I have managed to punch on until now. I have recovered a fair amount of weight and become accustomed to being tube-fed and doing without a voice. There is a vague hope that now that the leak in my substitute oesophagus has healed, I might be able to swallow again in the near future. The stretch of intestine that is supposed to replace the oesophagus appears to be blocked; I can only hope that it hasn't grown together to the point where it can no longer be reopened. That is scheduled to be investigated within the next couple of weeks.
I have practically closed my translation business. I still do the odd small job here and there, but I can no longer concentrate sufficiently to provide the necessary quality of work. The days drift by with nothing much to mark them except the one day a week that I have to go to the hospital for another session of antibody therapy. That is a modern alternative to chemotherapy and is supposed to keep the tumour in check and prevent it from spreading to other parts of the body. I have another three sessions to go before the effects are tested, probably by means of a PET-CT.
As I have to be tube-fed, I can't travel which is another irritation. The days of flying to England every couple of months have unfortunately gone, at least for the time being. Fortunately, I can still drive so I take myself off for the occasional excursion, just to get out of the house.
There is, of course, no knowing how long I have left. All treatment now is palliative, as opposed to curative. But I am gradually feeling better. If I can swallow again in the near future, it will make an enormous difference. Perhaps I'll be able to persevere with the speech aid, an expensive gadget from America which should enable me to make myself audibly understood, albeit with a voice like a robot. Until now, I haven't found the perseverence to get to grips with it.
I'm thinking of writing a book about my experience since the initial diagnosis in April 2008. Perhaps it would be of some value to fellow sufferers and/or medical professionals.
That's it for now. I won't make any promises this time, but now that I've revived the blog, it would probably make sense to update it weekly or something like that. I'd better diarise it, otherwise I'll forget again....!!
