More uncertainty

It's now almost exactly 3 months since the first attempt at removing my oesophagus was aborted. In the meantime, everything that has happened has been recorded in this blog. Looking back through the whole story, there's one theme that's there all the time - uncertainty.

On 11th December, the professor announced that I had to hold out for another 14 days, by which time I would be ready for release. That would have made it Christmas Day, and no-one is going to be released from this place on Christmas Day, so the target-date was the 27th. A couple of days later, the professor again mentioned the 27th.

This morning, he arrived with four of his minions and muttered to them for about 15 minutes. That's something that drives me crazy about this guy - he talks about me to his colleagues while I'm sitting there, but he won't talk TO me directly so I have to interpret what he's saying. Anyway, this morning, he seemed far less positive. There's still a lot that needs to happen before I can be sent home. The original stoma hole appears to be closing on its own, but the professor still hasn't decided whether to help it along by stitching it or not. That has to be completely closed before anything else can happen. Then the tracheostoma has to "stabilise", whatever that means. Then something has to be done to get my speech back. And so on, and so on. When the duty nurse told the professor that I wanted to be home for Christmas, he dropped his voice to a whisper and shook his head. I could just about make out that he was saying "no ways".

So the uncertainty continues and I'm kicking my heels here while nothing much is happening. All but one single tube has gone now and I'm also making a bit of progress in getting around on my feet, so it's not all lost time. But still, the way things are going, I can see me still being stuck here well into January. Given that Linda is flying over on 31st December, that would be awful.

I know I have to be patient. I have been for 3 solid months. But it's becoming increasingly difficult now. I want to resume my life, not languish here for more weeks or months.